July 31, 2024 pm!

So I’ve been staying in this house for a week and you would not think that the devil would exist or anything to that nature and you’re a Shaman, but there is demons around And the Devil does exist I must admit that, but to tell you the truth, I did not think of this until I ended up staying at this house for a week with some friends for a fucking week!  And wouldn’t you have it the place was hindered by evil spirits and really negative energy!  For one if the internet is out of wack but you have some Reception the place they have a demon there could be a difference between being in the countryside, and then being demonically possessed or haunted that being said, it was not very interesting to see that the Internet could be full blast, and yet not work at the same time!  But then I saw what looked like a Japanese man commit seppuku!  Something I did not want to see the first place, but then I ended up seeing that the second time I was at the house. It was kind of unusual. I thought it was just the sleep deprivation that was taking hold of me as I have been able to sleep because of stress and other stuff!  Then today something awful happen. I ended up getting into a fight with a friend that I started and that is completely out of my norm to start freight with that being said I usually do that as a friendly person, but then I started putting three and three together the Internet, the guy committing ritual suicide as well that there was some creepy dolls down at the basement. So actually has pictures of these creepy dolls. That means said it was very unusual to feel this sort of negative energy energy and energy energy and not think about it but now I thought about putting two and two together, pretty frightening to be honest with you. I don’t think this would be a very good place to go to again!  As I saw this apparition of the Japanese man committing hair-kari just as I was going to bed I ended up sleeping with the covers overs my head  as I this was one figure 1.  Figure 1 is a medical website, which is complete harms but gory !  That shit doesn’t bother but after seeing this seppuku but now that  I did not like seeing that but there it was. To be forthright I have seen ghosts and stuff before but just not that!!!  Not once in my life did I except to see this from not just the corners of my eye but in front of me as I was putting my guitar away!   I recognize the ghost as Hirohito the dictator emperor in japan when world war 2 broke out and started unti 731. (That will be another story for another time)

this is A place before a place that I’ve been for many years for program. This place has not been very welcoming to me, but then when I went through the first time for a overnight, it was over the same group of friends and having back here five years later, just to find out because our house being painted and stuff, and I found that I did not like the place anymore than I did before it was kind of creepy to be honest with you the energy and stuff! As I was trying to tell what the fucking hell I was experiencing I want to know note that I was also fighting with friends which out of the norm for me way out in left field!  I disturbing thought!  I don’t know what the fuck was happening when some one complained of creepy dolls in the basement of this shit hole but as I was telling about the negative energy he should me the dolls in a picture of his phone!  Why were they there! That was when I had enough of this place!  Those dolls were the portal to a hell realm!  Something I also like to deny exists but as I said it was what it was!     And so in the middle of the night I had to go crystal hunting so I could have some peace!  But what kind of peace can I have with crystals under my pillow!  

But it had to be done after what I saw!  

I have seen it all in my life but this was the first time that I saw this in my life, an apparition of someone committing ritual suicide in the exact room where I was sleeping!  At first I thought it was nothing but twenty four hours later it was my opinion hat I saw Hirohito’s ghost killing it self!  I don’t know if he did or not in real life but it was what I saw! He was wearing white regalia and the sliced his belly and disappeared!   

You are wondering  why to I see ghosts, spirits and demons!  Well I have one foot in the earth realm and the other foot in the spirit world!  I wanted not to believe what I was seeing but then one other guy came forward and told the he felt of colour too!  

as a central Asian it was very very disturbing to see this man in my bed room committing Seppuku!  Especially after what he did to my people in World War 2……human experiments and other fucked up shit!  If you want to learn more about unit 731 go to the Wikipedia or YouTube as I willnkt utter the obscenities that were done on the Chinese as well as my people!   But why were I was it was disgusting to be honest with you!  I want nothing to do with this place!  Here are some spots as to how the demon posse ps you!  The wear your mental health and you spirit down making you feel unsafe and cause you to believe in only them until you snap!  It is kind a of quite disturbing to tell you thruth!  I am spiritual sensitive or spiritually gifted and clairvoyant!  I wanted to scream when one guy could not shot up!  

These are the things should look for……

1. Cannot Control Themselves

A person who is under the control of a demon cannot control themselves. The evil spirit is able to speak through their lips or can make them mute as it so desires. Scripture gives examples of demon-possessed people who were mute. 

We also find demons speaking through people. 

2. New Personality

Demon-possession means that a new personality is introduced to that person - the victim becomes a different person. The Gadarene demoniac acted and spoke as one who was controlled by another personality

 

3. Different Voice

Sometimes those who are demon-possessed speak with a different voice. On one occasion, when Jesus asked the name of the demon, the demon spoke through the man and said: 

4. Supernatural Knowledge

In one incident, the demons speaking through a man, immediately recognized Jesus as the Messiah. 

This understanding of Jesus' identity came from supernatural knowledge. For at this time, Jesus had not yet revealed Himself to His disciples, or to the world, as the promised Messiah. 

5. New Abilities

A person who is demon-possessed acquires new abilities. For example, those possessed by demons can demonstrate superhuman strength. The Bible speaks of one demoniac in the following way. 

6. Suicidal Tendencies

Demon possession can lead to suicidal tendencies. 

I know this is very disturbing but this is what I have fight again for the next for days and it is not a cake wake but this was from a Christian website…..I am more shaman who are able to detect the kinds of spirits with more ease than a westerner!  It is all very spooky!  To tell you the truth the say the denying the devil or demons will cause them to lash out in ways that horrific!   As I try to sleep with crystal under my pillow I just recite some Incantations every time I wake up and hope for the best! But it is easier said than done!   

When I was a little kid I used to see friendly ghosts all my life but kinda like the advent of face book, things would go sideways and evil would get in!  Much like the internet the spirit world  you have to be careful, very very careful as to what you do or who you talk to ask a friend!  This is not any different!  The fact that I haven’t seen my mother since coming to this shit hole of a place said it all!  The fact that my mom I haven’t seen her Was saying a lot about the engery of the place!  It was not what I wanted to deal with anymore I don’t usually believe in demonic spirits but after this I do believe to some extent!

I wanted to know if there was a “I do t want to believe” poster like the “I want to believe” poster in the x-files! They should have one of these as I don’t want to believe in these demons …… I am more connect with nature and that only!  But then it is what  it is!  Tomorrow is counseling  how I am I supposed to explain this way!  

The trick is to stay strong and use crystals and not be afraid as these fuckers  smell and thrive on fear!    This is the true spiritual warfare and the struggle that people have to face especially when dealing with this kinds of things!  But then you might not have to deal with it!    I just fucking home that you will not have to deal with this in your life time like I had to!

 

July 31, 2024. Am

 So I have been busy for the past while trying to figure out what to do with my life since my boyfriend cheated on me! That was the sore spot for the month as I didn’t want to think about it!  Apparently he was dating someone else will dating me something that I think is a major sin because this has happened to me before I went into ‘In reallife ‘ relationships which was worse for me then to deal with it online as I was in reality with this asshole!  The beautiful thing about online dating is that we can be able to delete blocked the person right away if they are a scammer or an asshole!  But not so much in reallife!As you have to deal with the person almost on a daily basis that being said, I was not very excited to go and deal with him constantly going to baseball and having him on baseball was supposed to be a stress relief in the first place would be becoming stressful to the point where it wasn’t more for me!  So I decided to give the special Olympics a break A painful but important decision for me to deal with. It wasn’t too painful, but it was enough to sting me, but it was a pain in my butt to deal with this right now in my life so I am deciding now I’m not gonna deal with it cause it’s not worth going to jail over!    

I’ve had a bad deal with where I ended up saying or doing something stupid in the first place and starting fights and stuff like that you was online and I was able to block before they could retaliate but in this case, I cannot do this in real life so I have that real idea of not going  back for a long time!  It had to be To be done as I could not have the same incident when I was in grade8 the same incident where I ended up putting someone in a coma because they were being a jerk to me. I couldn’t have the same as an adult because they would be hard to shake off as an adult at least when I was a kid when I was 18 it was wiped from everything from everything!   Let’s just say I was most newagey person that I was before! From 2003 to 2017 I was a fucking hot head!  I was never real satisfied with anything! Call it PTSD or call it the fact that I was an angry jerk my self when I was 14 until I was 28 - 29!  I don’t like cheaters and I certainly hate being lied to directly or indirectly it is a major sin in my eyes!  Over the case of my 35 years on this planet I told about 2 or 3 lies in my life!

Siri can see why I have to keep myself busy so I can actually help myself get better from this. Also, it’s very interesting that someone would be a jerk. I’ve been also trying to do a graphic novel with more success previous attempts because someone that I know gave me an apple pen and I was able to electronic watercolors. I will show you some of those soon but they’re very interesting. Indeed also, I was able to, start a play. I was reading Romeo and Juliet wanted to write my own place similar to it but not the whole thing. It is modern day. Japan is very interesting. There is this snap of the first scene of my play. I hope you can understand it as much as I do I haven’t done playwriting since I was in grade 9 when I was in drama class for high school!

Here it is …..the first scene:

Mireiko  I want to be with you Satoshi, some where more modern where will we not be judged for our love!  We can only see eachother in the dojo or in the forest, here I find!  

Satoshi would you like to be with me in Osaka, there were willnkt be judged for our love! Though I have been here most my life I want just to be with you!  

Mireiko (crying). I would like too as well!  (Satoshi kisses her  and tries to reassure her about everything)

Satoshi (holding her in the moon light of the full moon). We will figure it all out......(enter Kurai, with a samurai sword)

Minion 1 look at the love birds.  (Laughing)

Minion 2 (also laughing) disgusts me to see that! (Pulling Mireiko from the arms of her sensei and minion 3 holding her)

Kurai ( raising the samurai sword above her head) you know that being with your pupil isn't allowed in this village!  In fact this is taboo to be with your sensei.  Satoshi we thought better of you!

Satoshi (pleading for mercy) I just love her I don't want to die......

Mireiko is crying in the background pleading for his life!   Kurai strikes  Satoshi with the samurai sword and cutting him in the sholdier deeply!   The yakuza crime family left satoshi left for dead with the samurai sword!

As Satoshi lies there in a pool of his blood  Mireiko comes to him

Mireiko   Please don't die.....I don't know what to do in this village with out you!  (Sobbing).  I cannot go with out you please stay with me.  (Satoshi kisses her sweetly on the  lips  and then dies in her arms). Please don't  (she takes the samurai sword  but before she can hurt her self she was caught by a friend  and soon she was saved)

Kurai (laughing) thank go we got rid of that jerk!  I hope that we can keep things the way in this village!  I don't like taboo love between those too!  It was disgusting to me!  Kissing and all that!  

Minion 2. Maybe we should hold a gambling session!

Minion 4 at least with you him!

The whole yakuza organization as small as it was .....was laughing and gambling as if the did not kill any one 

-End scene!

As I wanted to write a play or screen play for fun! And for other people to read and understand easily!   It was the death scene of the sensei who was killed by the yakuza and his student/ lover was there to see it happen!  I don’t know how the play will turn out in the end but it is called fullmoon! Literally I was reading Romeo Nan’s Juliet for a readathon that I was doing yesterday! As I was going throught the book carefully it made want to explore screen writing! But I am a green horn at that still so it was just 500 pages thus far!   I hope to write more!

Also I was busy writing for the wattpad watt’ys under the name e.m. tarantino and I write 8 books for it since April- actually since I started my therapy sessions!  What happened was that I was talking about my asshole relatives and decided after telling or spewing it at the therapist that I was going to write a memoir or two then it turned to three!   Let’s just say that 34 years wasn’t enough for what I had to go through 35 years was a lot in my life and was very eventful!   As I wanted to help people who also PTSD warriors to ……it is good to not feel alone in this shit world!  Then I ended up writing 8 other book that soon were destined for the actually contest alone!  

Let’s say that watty’s were an important bucket list item that I wanted to keep repeating on!  As I was wanting to write for this contest since 2020!  Four or five years I finally go in to the contest…I am I am happy with 8 books …..that is 8 books for the watty’s!  Believe it or not!  It is very interesting to do a series of books and see where the series will go from one theme to the other. It’s very interesting indeed I found this to be my pet project of the year. Also, I’ve been riding a lot because I cannot spend money at this time as I’ve been trying to save for a city project. I know that sounds a little weird but a city project hasn’t to go into a city go for a concert and enjoy the city for 24 some odd hours and then go back home. ….. it was important as well as I tattoo after the city project as I call it!   Let’s just say I made a promise to my friends that I felt like spending money and not needing something that I was going to go and write instead it was a very good diversion. Still worked. I find that the diversion worked as I found that I had nearly 300 dollars in My city fund!  Is interesting to go for a concert but I don’t know which artist to see as I was Never at a concert before!  There was one time that I was close when I was 32…..but things got aggravating for me then and I couldn’t go!   The desire was to go to a concert but this did not work out the first time but I will go from there and get back on the concert train again! 

I am hoping to go see a Billie eilish concert or an indie rock concerts! 

As for the the graphic novel!  I am doing a graphic novel about a female werewolf!  Who goes and fights for good!   As I was interested in doing my own graphic novel!  -long story!  Also I wanted to do water colours since I started art at 4 years old!  I was going to do water colour but I couldn’t find my water colours!  So I found a feature on an app that I already use for the other things but I was using for the graphic novel!

Here is a pictures of a panel of my graphic novel

July 17, 2024

The one thing I do not like are these religious robots I called them robots cause I don’t think they’re actually human telling me that I am going to hell because of my genetic wiring let’s put it that way my orientation!   It is any of their business wired. Does it matter if I made or white or bowls in this case does this mean that that is a sin who I find that to be a very aggravating thing with some people is that they don’t allow themselves to be human and just except humanity That being said, I ended up getting him almost very angry with one person because this is what they said they said that “ lesbian sinner of Satan!” As centre of sane is certainly not a sin of God, a sinner of Satan as someone who is in the opposite of in my opinion, and that being said, I think that this is where I’m a good person person and that person was actually asked to be honest with you you!  

That being said, I don’t like these kind of people. I’ve had a deal with them most of my life in elementary school, especially in elementary school because you could not be human. You had to be a robot that being said it was like being in prison, but you were able to go home without warm From the people who run the building that being said, I thought it was more of a prison than anything else to be in Catholic school, especially elementary school at the time !

That being said, I don’t take cyber bullying or bullying seriously is that is really it can be serious. Yes it can be but to be more of a joke. I remember telling my mother one time that I didn’t care about the bullies or gave a crap about there Existence in this world, as if trying to say that I am telling them to F off in a more polite manner by saying I don’t care about their existence in my opinion!let’s say that it did sound a little psychopathic or dark cry to say that I didn’t care about someone’s existence, but you’ve dealt with these types of people as much as I have who are dark triad, and you will end up wanting to not care about their existence either or their opinions on the world that being said, I found that when I started gauging my ears, that’s when this stuff starts spilling out of my mouth. Do I care about the bullies and the dark triad People in general no I do not because I just didn’t care about them to begin with. I’ve dealt with more dark triad people than a law enforcement officer that being said that’s pretty sad to be honest with you to tell you the truth about my life!   I’ve lost count after my boyfriend tried to cheat on me and really tried to lie about it that I gave up counting how many dark triad people were around me in my life I could care less in my opinion if you know what I mean, I was trying to Apathetic care of the dark triad trades and some people, especially the people owning these trades. I thought they were just horrible human beings. If you want to put the word human being loosely that is there are more like dogs that have been horribly Experimented on with her head if you know what I mean, I don’t know what would mean, but I would mean that they were screwed up to begin with as if human experiments gone wrong!That being said I end up one Marcie A girl that was really obviously dark triad. She was the one that said lesbian centre of Saint and I was like you’ve got a fucking kidding me. I didn’t say anything, but the people in the other group were saying a lot of things about how they were being more or less evil!   Talk about your own words!

That being said, I just hope this Marcy person will end up getting the bud end of karma. I don’t use that as a weapon. I just use that as a way of saying well it is going to come do it is what it is. You acted like a shit so you get shit I remember one friend telling me you do shit you get shit That being said I have said that many times in my life with people well you’re just gonna get sad and you’re gonna get it right back to you that being said I did not find that I care about people who do shit they will get shit one day in return from the universe ! Again, trying not to use this weapon I’m just saying this is what happens when you cross the wrong person or across any person for that matter and then try to use this in a way that will be beneficial your morals to be more beneficial for you than anything else that being said, I find this truly aggravating, and I find that truly aggravating people And will end up getting themselves in trouble with the universe. They’re very God that they created in the first place to help them spread the hatred, the cramming it right in their mouth and the stupid thing that really applies to them more than applies to someone of the LGBTQ community or anyone for that matter that is actually human. I finally these people are robots and they will end up being Attacked by karma I’m not saying this to being mean but it is what it is karma will come and get the haters the jobs or anyone else for that matter who are not right I don’t go around chicken hunting half the time a juggalo termFor someone who Who just doesn’t like people is a chicken. And let’s just say I don’t take poultry kindly!

A lot of the ideas of the subculture the Insane Clown Posse subculture I find has a lot of meaning about what it means to be human and speaks the truth when people obviously cannot speak the truth themselves this music I find helps me a lot my life and helps me find my balance that I need to get through the day, I find that this is more important to say well we’re only family. We’re only human that being said I wish people would agree more to that than just the organized religion that causes Hatred and fear in the world!  

I would really like to get back at some of these robots but as I said, I do not wanna get into trouble so I just let karma deal with these idiots and I don’t mean my  friend karma, but I man, as in the force of the universe balancing itself I find that the big dipper usually has inside for the Jefferson, the haters who are going to go and kick it up everything and ruin everything for everyone else that being said the big gift will dump one day on these imbeciles who like to think that religion means being human and that anything beyond that is sinful and stupid and stuff like that which is not really the truth. Think about how many people are mad who have been religious and hateful towards everyone else I including myself and then we end up going around finding people who are not religious enough and who are LGBTQ and who have good morals and moral compass always points to good  being said this is more important  and Speak louder than religion and hatred!

 Now I’ve been reading the dune books by Frank Herbert, very good books. Thus far I made some fan based on the books that I have actually read. It is very interesting not just the covers of the books but the content as well. I find that these books have caught my attention to the point where I just want to read them all the time I borrowed them from the library because I am trying to save up money if I have any money to be saved up, that being said is very important to try to improve yourself in this case with me the idea of saving would be a lot easier than going around spending all the time amount of money. I’d rather wait for something that is well worth my time IE concert or something to that effect that would be very interesting and then night in the town actually that would be a lot better than spending it on a book that I already know is at the library and I can get the only thing that I would probably spend money on would be a TJ Newman book  is hard to come from some odd reason that being said I usually like TJ Newman‘s books they usually involve airplanes and they involve a lot of action and thriller stuff is very interesting and need to read this kind of stuff but then also have down which is very interesting dude is good  to read as well as a mellow scifi booksor scifi books that is easy to read in my opinion and you’re able to go and enjoy the books and enjoy everything else. The storyline is killer and it’s very interesting to read the books to be honest. I want to read them for quite some time since I started going on this app called Fable, which is where you talk about your favourite books and stuff. It’s very interesting to be honest with you and I don’t know what I am because I know it’s so excel like adventure or something that affect that was the last reading I got from the last book I read, which was Dune . 

Dune happens to be one of the better books I’ve read other than TJ Newman or anything for that matter. I find that this is a lot easier to read. I do read a lot of romance and fantasy sometimes and some thrillers. I cannot stop reading, thrillers or romance for some odd reason, but that’s just the way my brain is Wired again, I guess someone else could think that would be a sin as well just because of the way the brain is wired, which is kind of stupid if you ask me!

I’d like people to let go of ignorance 

July 14, 2024

Today was not my kind of a day as I was constantly on my ass all the time doing sweet nothing I tried to get someone to get me to go somewhere particularly the recycling centre to just get my mind off being bored, but that being said it wasn’t gonna be that easy so who is this snob was going to make sure that this was not gonna be possible for me in the long run !   That was when I wanted to lose my cool, but I just said “it sucks“ that being said it did suck having a whole week on my own ass doing nothing as a wonder I did not have muscular atrophy or having to go through physiotherapy to gain my strength back Said that’s why I don’t like Being honest with you is kind of annoying and it’s very aggravating to go around mopping all day because you’re bored!

So out of boredom, I found this picture on Facebook that looked interesting the other day and I thought of doing something with it creating a different sky of fake sky if you want because I was so bored I was even gonna pay for being bored if it was gonna be that bad, but that was besides the point, luckily I did not have to pay to be bored! I ended up changing it on the same app. This being said this is what I did. This is the original picture I did with which was over and a shock. I find Arctic culture very interesting as there’s a lot of shamanism That is resonating with my own shamanism, which would be Siberian Romanism that being said, I find it very interesting to go and see different stone cairns! To be honest with you, I ended up making one for a friend that died the other year! Because he deserved his dues, I thought he deserved some kind of respect for being on this planet at least that being said I ended up creating a nice Kyron for him. That was very interesting but the Kyron or Tyron as it’s called wait about 200 or 400 pounds in the wheelbarrow. I was lucky enough to look at where I wanted it to be That it was very interesting to me whose not even 3:4500 pounds is able to log that amount weight without letting off any curse words although at the end there was some curse words trying to balance the dang stones. Some of them were so stubborn, not wanting To be balanced or locked and sometimes it’s very aggravating that you’re dealing with that sometimes they don’t want to go in the right direction that you want them to!

To be honest with you, I do a lot of the first one I did was for my mother because he had passed away about two years ago and six days that being said, it was not a very easy time for me to go and deal with her issues cause I had a shit head of a brother who was more or less a pain in my ass since childhood this brother I’m not gonna mention his name, but was a royal pain in my ass to begin with And then that was when that was done I was gonna do more shook like things or cairns that would be a lot better then going to some stupid celebration of life that I think constipates the brain more than anything else in the whole entire entire world is a celebration of life. Something that I don’t believe in to be honest with you I never was a funeral girl. I was more of an artsy person still to this day honestly, I don’t think we should be having funerals. It depends on the person they want them. I certainly wouldn’t want one when I decided to make my leave, but anyways that being said sorry to be more but that’s basically why I do. It’s a way of saying no I’m not doing anymore. Funerals are going to more funerals. I have yet to do one for my father who just last year ended up going to Spirit, his body was firing on all cylinders, but his brain was not i.e. dementia….. That thing is very demonic to be honest with you is dementia. It’s very demonic and I would suggest that you wouldn’t drink alcohol unless you wanna have that kind of if you with your brain it’s where the brain will hard and dry up Fried if you will, that being said, it’s very creepy that your brain can modify itself if you abuse it too much the modification of a brain I did not think could be possible because of the Egyptian saying so, but it only happens in life dementia!

 I was horrified about the idea of my father having the man not because I was gonna end up having it because I don’t think I would because I have never drank a drop of liquid shit AKA alcohol once in my life, that being said as a Polan star trial, I have had a lot of trauma in my life childhood and otherwise the latest was because of my brother and of course my mother‘s passing is very interesting and stuff like that, but I just rather see the good in the world instead of the bad, but as I said, you’re not always given that choice sometimes I was never given that choice at some point until now to see the good in the world! That being said, I doing artwork and other things is a lot more interesting instead of going to funerals or celebrations of life that really cause more damage for mental health than anything else! I would not be going through therapy if it weren’t for this western view of headstones and celebrations of life. I probably would’ve been screwed over just by my brother instead of just by the Grim Reaper as well if it weren’t for funerals and headstones these western ideas I find I’m sorry to say can be damaging. I find when a cairn could do the trick easily to mark the persons passing or mark the person‘s body I find with shamanism you don’t need very much except nature and a little bit simplicity. At least with nature you can express your spirituality, but you can also find a way to be able to explore the spiritual world without dying I e, Shaman, I’ve been a shaman for the better part of my life. It’s not the whole part of my life. I just started practising it just very recently after my grandmother’s death I think your appointed one, your baby and one of the things that you’ve gone through traumatic and life altering, as well as death experiences, which I have been going for the most part of my life!

The Kyra and I made looks like a tortoise that has a load on its back load meaning stuff on his back, not as in shit that being said very interesting that I tried to create an alar like saying, but it didn’t go over well because the stones weren’t shaped right, so I ended up with a tortoise And truck like saying instead of a funeral cairn!

That being said you can find that anywhere you want is ideas for Kyren that being said at Kyran is as I said usually way in my culture central regions in the Siberians as well as the Himalayan people will say that this is the way you mark someone’s passing or someone’s grave in case someone’s passing Cases, I cannot go to funerals !

About being in shamanism where you wanna pronounce it You have been drawn to the north star as well as the consolations surrounding the north star for a long time since you were a young child if not more so I am out of the Polan star system. I did not know until I realize damn I Northstar all the time!  And I have been able to commune with a lot of things that people would say are not real like ghost their dad and people that have not been around for a long time as well as I am able to since bad people a mile away usually I didn’t find out there’s someone is a shithead from looking at them, not trying to judge a book by his cover, but just saying that it is the way it is sometimes Sometimes you just demeanour and stuff or online and you know it’s kind of bad to be around them and not healthy….. That being said, I’ve been able to find ways of noting the bad people, but also the good people as well now it’s my turn to try. Learn to find the good people in the world instead of just the assholes that caused problems and stuff.

Natalie!

About me:   My name is Natalie Melanson, I am writing under a penname...... E. L. Tarantino! That is one account! The other is this one! I Like piercings, tattoos, and scarves as well as cobra Kai and star trek T.J. Newman novels! My pen name is inspired by the Quentin Tarantino movies! Also my musician name is elena Fevertree, I currently play guitar, Ukulele, kalimba thumb piano, steel tounge drum, keyboard and will be playing the jaw harp!

my vibe is more counter culture and folk punk when it comes to music! With a dash of throat singing and keyboard! I do dress funny at times also I like 6+ tattoos, 8 piercings and sometimes a potty mouth! I do have a boyfriend

My favourite time to be alive is at the spooky season (autumn) and Halloween! I still go trick or treating and I am a nerd who love YouTubing and stargazing!

If you want to know why I write it is because I have PTSD and I want to help people the best way possible who have the same condition! Also I just like writing! My favourite colour is blue! And my iq is 196- though I don't look or some times act like it!!!

1. DRAWN TO THE NORTH STAR

Are you drawn to the bright North star in the sky more so than any other system or constellation? Does it have a specific pull over you? Do you want to learn more about it, even if you’re not sure why? This is a very strong sign of Polarian starseed origin, or at the very least, a past life incarnation in this system.

2. CONSTANTLY SEARCHING FOR PURPOSE OR MEANING

Polarian starseeds always seem to be searching for their purpose and meaning on Earth. They’re longing to find their ‘guiding North Star’ if you like. 

Oddly, Polarians tend to think they’ve found their mission and purpose only to then feel flat and deflated after a few weeks or months of following this path. 

The cycle of searching, trying, and rejecting then continues. Many Polarians feel directionless or lost on Earth.

3. YOU SEEK OUT ADVENTURE AND EXPERIENCES

Do you crave meaningful experiences over possessions and material wealth? Polarians see the value in time and memories. These are the type of starseeds to have bucket lists, a list of things to do and see before they leave their physical 3D body.

They also have strong family and friendship values, though this doesn’t prevent them from feeling isolated and alone throughout their life. 

Just because they value it doesn’t mean relationships are easy for these starseeds. Many face envy, jealousy, and copious amounts of hate in their lives.

4. STRONG KUNDALINI AWAKENING

A kundalini awakening is a form of divine feminine energy that originates at the base of the spine. It awakens when there are sudden changes in your body, mind, and spirit. 

You can think of it as a mass activation of every cell in your body, though this is much stronger than your average spiritual awakening.

Polarians typically go through deep and rapid awakenings as they progress on towards spiritual enlightenment.

5. LOYAL

Polarian starseeds are loyal, almost to a fault. They make the best partners in relationships, and will always have someone’s back when they need them most. 

They hold the people around them in unconditional positive regard, showing complete acceptance and support. 

That is until someone crosses them. Whilst they struggle to cut people out of their lives, they will do so if they’re harming their emotional wellbeing. 

6. STRUGGLES TO MAKE DECISIONS

Polarians are always searching for the next answer, the next venture, the next opportunity, and with that comes confusion. 

Which path should they take? Which decision is best? They might spend hours, days, or even weeks weighing up the pros and cons before making a choice.

Analysis-paralysis is a Polarian’s middle name.

7. SUFFERED FROM TRAUMATIC BACKGROUND OR CHILDHOOD

Did you have a difficult childhood? Did you feel alienated based on the experiences that happened to you? 

Polarian starseeds have an unusually triggering background that results in a lot of stuck trauma in adulthood. This can cause all sorts of somatic symptoms and even result in mind-body connection issues. 

8. HIGHLY POLARISED

Do you suffer from all or nothing thinking? Is something either a complete success or a complete failure? Does everything seem very black and white? 

This is a classic Polarian trait and comes from their perfectionistic side – usually a sign of high self-criticism in an attempt to prove themselves worthy. Worthy to who? It’s not always obvious. 

Sometimes, it starts as a simple feeling to reach their full potential and so they push themselves really hard to achieve. 

9. MULTIPOTENTIALITE – LOTS OF INTERESTS, PASSIONS

You’ve started one project only to find another one has already piqued your interest. Before you know it, you’ve ditched the other one entirely. 

Polarians are highly intelligent beings and have a deep thirst for knowledge. They’re true multipotentialites! 

They maintain lots of interests and passions at once. If an unawakened or ‘unconcious starseed’ they might even suffer from ‘interest burnout’. This is a trait shared by Sirian starseeds too.

10. LOVE MYSTICAL FANTASY LANDS

Polarian starseeds have incredible imaginations and love anything mystical, magical, and fantasy related. You’ll frequently find them reading fiction, immersed in fantasy games, and exploring unusual theories. 

They love supernatural characters and make-believe worlds. They might have even had many imaginary friends as a child.

11. EMPATHIC & GENTLE IN NATURE

Like many starseeds, Polarians are caring, compassionate, and empathic in nature. 

They can read other people’s body language and can easily put themselves in someone else’s shoes. They’re incredibly understanding of other people’s needs. 

12. DEEP CONNECTION WITH ANIMALS, NATURE, AND TREES ESPECIALLY

Do you feel a special connection with animals? Do you feel grounded surrounded by Mother Nature? Do you feel at peace amongst greenery? 

Polarians make some of the most incredible animal communicators, drawing upon their ancient knowledge and wisdom to bring all types of healing to the Earth. 

Ecology, conservation, and dendrology are potential topics of interest.

13. PERFECTIONISTIC, HATES CHAOS

This might not apply to all Polarians, but generally, they like routine, order, and structure. 

Though, they’re very happy to shake things up when their life feels stale and stagnant. They generally hate chaos and have perfectionistic tendencies.

14. STRUGGLES TO KNOW HOW TO CREATE A NEW REALITY

With so many ideas floating around their head, they struggle to know what to do and when to implement a new reality. 

They might follow many different paths before hitting on a handful of ideas they believe could change the vibration of Earth.

15. VERY CREATIVE

These beautiful souls are very expressive and make for brilliant writers, designers, and artists. 

They tend to be introverted with these gifts, very rarely sharing them with others. It’s more of a self-healing practice.

They are great at coming up with new ideas and lines of thought, often finding out-of-the-box solutions.

16. STRUGGLES SOCIALLY

Polarians generally struggle to maintain social relationships, through no fault of their own though. 

Because their light is so bright, they act as giant mirrors to others, reflecting back what others choose not to see within themselves. 

This can cause others’ core wounds to be triggered, causing all sorts of negative emotions to rise; envy and jealousy being the most prominent. 

17. SPIRITUALLY GIFTED

Polarians aren’t the most spiritual starseed type, but they are highly gifted with many, often undiscovered spiritual gifts and abilities. 

They’re especially skilled at clairvoyance, shamanism, herbalism, energy medicine, automatic writing, and tarot.

18. DESIRE TO LEARN AND KNOW MORE ABOUT OUR UNIVERSE

Polaris, their guiding star is in the same location every night from dusk to dawn, neither rising nor setting. This is what makes Polarian energy so unique.

But it’s also what keeps their energy so spiritually high. This is why they carry the energy of the sage, or wisdom seeker, and have a deep desire to learn and know more about our universe.

Other Traits Might Include;

• A love of travel and other cultures
• Frequently spotting animal symbolism and synchronicities
• Receiving many messages from the divine all at once
• A deep connection to spirit guides, even if they don’t know what they look like
• Very intuitive, has strong gut feelings about situations and people
• Can communicate with the deceased
• Has visions of an ancient civilization, as though they’ve lived there in another life
• Can develop a strong aversion to humans if mistreated in this lifetime
• Has a desire to become a leader or teacher (in any field)
• Gets on well with Lyran starseeds in particular
• Might also be drawn to work with Draconians (the light kind – there’s a huge misconception surrounding this type).

Who do I want to meet:    writers, artist, musician, photographer, models [non nsfw ], PTSD warriors, aspies, authentic people, polite people, people from other cultures, follow LGBTQIA, intelligent people, astronomers, stargazer and the spice girls

who I don’t like to meet:  religious robots, haters, hateful people, gore accounts, NSFW accounts, rude people, cyberbullies, ACAB, or downright idiotic!

 ~thank you

Interests:   tattoos, piercing, writing, reading, penpaling, art, photography, modeling, music, listening to music, Halloween, spooky stuffy, creepypasta, sci-fi, fantasy, drawing, painting, nature photography, nature, shamanism, crystals, astronomy, stargazing, walking, moongazing, newage, astrology, tarot, eating, facepaint, wattpad, quotev, fanfiction, Amazon, world events, genealogy, languages, Tibetan - languages, story telling, makipe up, some fashion, mindfulness, goth culture, YouTubing

Music: Insane clown posse, perty- the virtue singer, limpbizkit, Marylin Manson, spice girls, backstreet boys, aqua, Britney Spears, bundox, oujia Mac, abk, violent j, shaggy 2 dope, Slipknot, otep, murderdolls, bew*tched, *nsync, Rickie Martin, sugar jones, longhouse, lady gaga, peter Schiller, scooter, daft punk, sting, David Bowie!

Movies: The labyrinth, dark crystal, lord of the rings, nightmare before Christmas, American history x, black klansman, kill bill, j. edgar, flight 93, syriana, vantage point, blood diamond,  kite runner , beauty and the beast but not Disney version, united 93, saw, hostel, Halloween, mostly anything but kids stuff!

Tv:  The Bears lair, king of the hill, simpsons, desperate, housewives, dark crystal, stranger things, greys anatomy, cobra Kai, bobs burgers, aptn, american horror story, penny dreadful, FBI files, new detectives,forensic files, x-files, skinwalker ranch, ghost adventures, worlds most dangerous places, dark crystal!

Books: Worlds most dangerous places, falling, drowning, some graphic novels, stand, it, Cosmos, kite runner, Memorial Day, lord of the rings, the sun’s heart beat, Dreamtime, warrior cats, silverwing trilogy, your going to live longer, half-bars in white regalia, astronomy and stargazing books/magazines, Arabian nights, adult colouring books, crescent city, fourth wing, tipping the velvet, Anne frank, hamelet, Macbeth,  outsiders, stones!

Hereos: Trevor Henderson, violent j, Lisa scottoline, Stephen king, Judi picoult, shaggy 2 dope,  Robert young pelton,  roly west, Bailey Sarian, S.E. Hintin, William Belle,  my chosen family, my readers, my father, Bruce Lee 

my vibe is more counter culture and folk punk when it comes to music! With a dash of throat singing and keyboard! I do dress funny at times also I like 6+ tattoos, 8 piercings and sometimes a potty mouth! I do have a boyfriend

My favourite time to be alive is at the spooky season (autumn) and Halloween! I still go trick or treating and I am a nerd who love YouTubing and stargazing!

If you want to know why I write it is because I have PTSD and I want to help people the best way possible who have the same condition! Also I just like writing! My favourite colour is blue! And my iq is 196- though I don't look or some times act like it!!!