September 24, 2024 a.m

Sorry to not have written in the last while, as I was first getting ready for a tattoo it was a shattered with the white part in the black part of being a; you know what a; means in the tattoo world that being said, I will come a lot of stuff in my life or it didn’t turn out I had PTSD also I must’ve had a nervous breakdown that may have acted like it that being said I ended up getting the tattoo and also I’ve been working a lot on my Writing on other things as well like for example I have written different things about well. It was a special story and stuff and also I was writing this poem for my poem.verse novel!

It was a full moon,

I could tell as I saw it

And felt it

This morning I had a bit of temper tantrum 

But did not think  twice about it 

Until tell a say the moon full as can be;

Annoying it big and full

Enough to ruin my day

As I was going to find the the reason for my temper tantrum 

While I was stargazing at night

ASI look at the bright and offensive orb that is the moon

I want to blow it up

For people like me who go nuts in the full moon;

As I walk inside to have some popcorn and then grape leaves 

As I finish the snack I would 

Finally go to bed after a long night of stargazing I find that I descend 

Into a uneasy sleep as I do I am back in the dreaded forest

The forest I deem as dreaded

But really that was not the worse of  it

She was there 

The belly dancing banshee!  

Her screams, wailing and keening 

What is this all about as I tried to pinch my self to see if this is really or not I am still there

Why?! 

As I was going to thrash to wake my self up 

Then things go into a green tone 

That was not my interested was the screaming and keening 

Was it something ominous 

Was this some kind of prophecy

Or was it the heralding of the end for me or someone else

That I know!  As I  look around i see that 

It is my back yard and I was still stargazing

But in the forest I can see her ad I can here her

There is a frog in my throat I want to scream equally as loud

But I don't know how to process this

As I  look around I 

Wanted to think it was a dream

Then some one calls my name to go inside

This spilled into my reality

As I remember the 

Quote 

One man's crazy is another man's reality

I am thinking for my self that I am going insane 

But then the person calling my name to come into the house 

She hears the screams

And asks if everything is fine

How can it be fine

I yell back and tried to run back into the house

That was when a boney hand grips my wrist

This was when I hear it again

"Come sweet child of me!"

As I find then I am being dragged into the forest 

My heart fills with dread

And fear for the safety and well being

This was now not I case of me being crazy 

Or it being a dream

But this was what I am going to have to deal with on an almost daily or nightly basis 

Why me

I think to my self 

Is that going to be the last thing I every think or ask 

Before going to the abyss

As I thrash the grip gets stronger 

Cutting off my circulation 

It was painful

And I usually

99.9% don't feel pain

But this was the first time I felt pain

It was frightening no the less

Why am I being dragged into the forest 

......so she can feed off my soul

I did not thing that this was possible 

To feed from other people's souls

But then there it was she opened her mouth

Her teeth looking up brushed, broken and unkept

Some were missing

Then it sounds like a howling wind 

Soon I feel this intense pain of the soul leaving my body 

I was dying.... But was I dying in my sleep

I don't know yet 

Will I make to 24

I don't know yet 

But this is disturbing 

This feels like I am 

In the movie the ring

The horror film where you watch it 

And have 7 days to live

That being said did some giblet head watch it around me 

We will never know my soul is about to purge itself of my body 

I feel my breathing shallow

And my heart rate spread up

What was happing 

I snap my eyes open!

I was in the forest while wearing my pajamas 

But what was going on

Why was I in the forest to begin with 

 Maybe I was sleep walking in fear and terror

Was this beyond this concept of a night terror

But I don't see her anywhere to be found

I thought it was just a dream

That was until I started to sit up

The pain was so intense 

I also screamed and keened like a benched

But the dawn  was breaking 

And I soon did not have to worry about anything 

But to get a Tylenol for the pain I struggle 

To get into the house were I am safe

I was being told I was walking in a trance like state 

But why?

In my mind I still here the keening and wailing that I 

Know have scared in my mind

I wanted to believe that it was a dream!  But I was not a dream

For I can here the right pitch and tempo thatwasofthis belly dancing banshee

The belly dancer

I want to know what indid to deserve this 

Kind of torment 

This torture of the mind

Was it someone doing psyops on me 

Or were they

Actually really that I when I start 

To question reality and trust of others

They say that demonic possess Starts with 

Questioning things then it breaks

Down and the entity starts to hijack the soul!

Is this what is happening

Washington I being hijacked from the inside out

I start to really worry

About the people around me

And that goings on in my mind 

Do I need help 

No mental health can fix the spiritual real 

And I start to fear for more then my soul

But also my physical well-being

I tried to get some rest 

Form the pain

I really did

But then it finally spills out to this word

Not the dreams

Although I have been working on this novel audio series on Pocket FM, that being said, it’s very interesting to see where this is gonna lead to right now. I just don’t know what is going to happen in the rest of the story. It’s started off well I’ll tell you the Summary!

Love in the morgue?

When Nikki went to apply for a job as a forensic scientist at the morgue she doesn't nit that the chief medical examiner is her childhood sweet hear, who left along Time ago.  When she realizes the ring on his finger she is crushed but still determined to be with him.

Little did she know that Trey feels the same way about her!   

What will happen

And that particular book or audiobook let’s just call in an audiobook and soon to be book is going to be called love apothecary! Like if you ever read the book, they lost apothecary where they talk about poisoning people. This is well the morgues so that’s why I use the word apothecary and the same sense as Sarah Penner! Being said is very interesting where the stories gonna lead to me and stuff like that. Also, I was preparing for a tattoo so I did not get to write as much. Actually, I was too focussed and on getting the tattoo at this point in time to actually do anything else except right or otherwise do something else that would be like doing this writing on here!

They are being said the finished product is a shattered yang Yang the black part with the white in it is a; as you can see as I have had a deal with my health and a barking brain for quite some time in my life still do times shattered because sometimes things go right in life and the yang meaning that I’m talking about Trying to find balance in life that being said I find that I walked the line between good and evil sometimes with yin and yang similar to that aspect and especially one suffering from a mental illness turns out it was just OCD, but I did some research and it turned out to be trauma relay OCD. I don’t know where the trauma would come from but then again I am not , really too sure about that. That being said it was kind of a pain in the ass to know that piss off was still there. I’ll show you the actual symptoms of trauma related OCD that being said it sounds no different from PTSD except for the fucking fact that it has no nightmares so you guess exactly the same thing but without the nightmares, I don’t know where the nightmares were coming from maybe a fertile imagination or something but you know me if I been on long enough I’ve been known to have a imagination. That’s what I was famous for as a kid and still to this day!    

This is still a pain in my ass for me to deal with the idea that the OCD may have been caused by trauma. I don’t know what is running under the hood that may cause that as I was too young to deal with this bullshit when I was younger, the bullshit of war and stuff that being said, I didn’t really think about that. Maybe my brain processes things differently than most people And may remembered some stuff but anyways that being said that’s basically why I got the tattoo also, it was part of a flash sale at the Perth ink witch, or as I call them the pink witch! I enjoy going there for a lot of good reasons just relaxing one thing that I find unusual with tattoos is if they don’t hurt worth a pinch of fart that being said, this is what I had to say about the Perth ink witch, and it was a glowing review!

I went here many times for my tattoo and piercing needs Ndi would go back again.    that make things so relaxing and fun!  prices are great too!! 

No, I may have fudged my spelling at the time because I was writing on my phone, which is always fun. It’s not like going on my iPad where I can easily have my fingers freely able to do what they want that being said it’s kind of aggravating to be honest with you That I could not do anything with my thumb and long nails sometimes long nails are bad but sometimes they gonna be a pain in the ass !     That being said I am happy with the tattoo as I helped design it!

 

September 21, 2024 p.m.

 As I lay in bed

A dream envelopes my bones

And I am in a vertical reality 

But there is not the goggles 

Instead I have it around  me all over

As if in a trance

She dances

But I see her she doesn't look like a healthy woman

She looks like a skeleton that is belly dancing

Is this one of my night terrors 

Or is this the end of it all! What I will not 

See is her face 

As her face was covered with

Hair and only that

She wears a belly dancers outfit

But she seems of corrosion

What is that smell

Acid

But I am not going to find out

So I try to wake myself up

But the banshee 

Keeps coming closer and closer

Until she reveals her face which looks like

Death warmed over and 

She lets out the scream

A scream so horrific it ruptures your organs 

A she sucks your soul from you body

Leaving an empty shell

I did know about this banshee I never....

I have had heard of the shadow people and sleep paralysis 

And I when is this what I am going through

I scream Susie wake up 

From christs sake wake up!

But I don't hear myself scream

In my dream

I don't stir nor make a sound

Who will miss me

If I should not wake

The belly dancers says no one

I am filled with dread 

I had a boyfriend

A life

Friends who cared about me

But here I was fighting for my life

Fighting against the ultimate evil, 

Death! As I try to thrash 

I succeeded in thrashing in my sleep

I can feel the breath coming back into me

And I thrash until I am spat out of the dream

When I wake up I am

In a cloud sweat!

As I am shaking like a leave

In the autumn

What the fuck just happened was what I think is going to happen

On in my head

My first near death experience 

But it will

Not be my last

For I fear the night now

I dread going to sleep

As I fear that she will will 

Pop up from the abyss and try to take my soul 

As I went to put on my Pajamas I try not to think not to think about this shit show 

That I call my sleep!

Alas it is wispy washy

At the best of times and then there is the 

Fucking belly dancer from hell 

I am so worried about 

The idea of sleep especially 

REM sleep terrified me

But as soon as I lay in bed 

I fall to sleep like a bag of bricks 

Now what I wanted 

As I  find this skeleton figure 

Dancing towards me and 

I am paralyzed 

Her screaming my name 

I can feel my insides burst and rupture at the sound of

The nest will be my soul being sucked out of my body

Leaving me as a shell of a person of who I am

But I want to know why this emaciated demon 

Keeps coming to me in my most hideous 

Of nightmares

Threatening me 

With the worst of the torture that both man

And spirit world will have to offer me

I feel the cold sweet coming on 

But I say this very much so that 

This is a fallacy 

Something that my stress must of 

Created

Like a poltergeist 

But do they not talk

This is certainly not a poltergeist 

That is a demon from another dimension 

A hell realm

But little did I know that was just the beginning of my suffering

As soon I as find out who this is I will cast them 

Back the blasts that they came from

She twirls and swirls

And slowly and methodically 

Closer to me

As I find that this will not end well for me she says

Something completely disturbing....

"My sweet child!"

This could. It be my mother of birth 

She died of hepatitis so long ago

But if this is here....

She had become the personification of

Of death it's self

O death 

Would you spare me for another year!  I plead for 

My life! 

I start thrashing and the shits come off my bed

And I get even colder 

Then I wake up

Won't you spare me over til another year

Well what is this that I can't see

With ice cold hands takin' hold of me

Well I am death, none can excel

I'll open the door to heaven or hell

Whoa, death someone would pray

Could you wait to call me another day

The children prayed, the preacher preached

Time and mercy is out of your reach

I'll fix your feet til you cant walk

I'll lock your jaw til you cant talk

I'll close your eyes so you can't see

This very hour, come and go with me

I'm death I come to take the soul

Leave the body and leave it cold

To draw up the flesh off of the frame

Dirt and worm both have a claim

O, Death

O, Death

Won't you spare me over til another year

My mother came to my bed

Placed a cold towel upon my head

My head is warm my feet are cold

Death is a-movin upon my soul

Oh, death how you're treatin' me

You've close my eyes so I can't see

Well you're hurtin' my body

You make me cold

You run my life right outta my soul

Oh death please consider my age

Please don't take me at this stage

My wealth is all at your command

If you will move your icy hand

Oh the young, the rich or poor

Hunger like me you know

No wealth, no ruin, no silver no gold

Nothing satisfies me but your soul

O, death

O, death

Wont you spare me over til another year

Wont you spare me over til another year

Wont you spare me over til another year

I sing as I tried to wake my self up form this horrible night terror

And she comes closer and closer 

I see that the belly dancer 

Bares a striking resemblance 

Not unlike my own

This terrible 

Is this my birth mother coming to collect my soul 

I will never no even though

Alas I say her face

She looked like me

Is that an indication of the relation I might have of her

But as I see you cannot do DNA on a ghost

But then she says it again

In Romanian

"Come my sweet child!" 

That is that beyond the pale 

Then I shot of out bed 

Like bullet out of a pistol 

I find that I am having hot and could sweats 

That I can not under stand 

I am healthy so

What the fuck

As she really come to claim my soul

But I will not be too sure

I fear that she will come back 

Again tonight to finish me off

I am paralyzed that I might died at age 25

I am paranoid at the thought of sleep

But then I over think 

To much 

That night as I sleep,

I see her again screaming for 

My soul

She was saying 

That I will have a taste of my fate

But I try to run but I can not I am strapped to my bed by rotting vines

What ever shell I do!?

That was a poem my road I was not depressed or anything. I just woke up poem out of intriguing seeing where my writing would take me. This is about a banshee! If you ever heard of a banshee, those things do not let you live if you hear them scream! It’s very interesting how different cultures have this one spirit that’ll be the end of you it kind of interesting to be honest with you. You hear the loud sound of a banshee and that the end of the sound for your life I’ll give you an example of what a banshee is!

A banshee is a female spirit in Irish folklore who heralds the death of a family member, usually by screaming, wailing, shrieking, or keening

That is what basically a band she is, but the idea of that is that I decide to make it over different culture to make it more interesting the banshee is one you hear someone’s screaming and shaking or keening hoping to get your soul that who either had the death of a family member so I don’t usually wanna get into this kind of stuff but that’s what the poem was about. I’m doing a verse novel about this particular topic, Gonna be very interesting to see where this will take me from which conference this bans will come from. It was already from Roman gypsy to a banshee is your imagination does not have a passport and it’s interesting enough that your imagination is connected to everything else as well I find that very interesting that I’ve written this very long poem and will continue to write this long poems! The home is basically about the same kind of thing which is what the band is, but in my mind what my birth mother was like that being said that’s enough said about that my afternoon consisted of sleeping a nice nap very annoying nap as I expected and then I ended up falling asleep then I ended up watching doctor g medical examiner, and had dinner, which was actually pretty good. The dinner was good. I think my favourite would be the grape leaves or the meatballs. I can’t really be too sure which one would be my favourite that being said the which to say I think the grape leaves were good too!    That being said I would continue the poem later  and I hope that I will become  a verse novel!  I alway wanted to try the verse novel!   There was when verse novel that I liked and I wished I remember the name I would be helpful!  The idea that I can’t remember the name of that book is interesting, but it was about a girl who is in ghost. It’s very interesting.  I wish I remembered that damn title!

Was very Christian got me and trying to write the No, it would be very interesting to see where that goes. In that case I would be very interested in seeing this novel. I’m guessing it’s not gonna be similar to million little pieces, where the whole books is a whole poem!  That would be interesting !  As you can tell that book will be called the belly dancer! As the belly dancer is the banshee!  That banshee is about my birth mother!  That being said I parents mentions she looked like a banshee but darker skinned!  I would have to agree about that the she was similar to a banshee!  Someone who was not a good person!   What king of person would leave their kid for dead on purpose!  That being said…..moving on!

Also, I had the rain constantly where I keep thinking that I’ve been in a college dorm for some odd reason. Why do I have that dream? I don’t know why but it’s just a dream that is constantly being put in my head somehow I don’t know if it’s  just my mind processing things!    I meantioned that and sad that we aren’t any different then iPad!  That is we slow and load and then at night we do the processing …..loading ……loading!

The only difference between us and iPad is we sometimes have fault and it’s made of plastic that being said I find that is the only difference between a human being and an iPad. We processed the information, not instantaneously, but instead at night time when we dream and go to sleep, also I find the same thing with the iPad. You have to turn it off in order for it to do it thing!   We are similar, but the same material humans can contain more information and can be more able to remember it. That being said I’d rather be more human says something if I knocked it on the ground it would be gone at least with my brain. I have a skull for me to deal with the knock on the head that would not end up like an iPad something that fragile or such!  I had this conversation about this morning!  It is interesting how that damn brain works!

I also went to the charity show and I go the first season of glee, you know the high school show with singing!  I’ve heard good things about glee many times in my life when I was in my early 20s, but never really got to see it so this is gonna be my first time seeing it. This would be very interesting. Indeed they mentioned something about madonna that’s good. I like Madonna. She is one of my favourite singers. I don’t know if she is gonna be her songs are gonna be in any of the episodes But just the fact that her name was mentioned, that’s not why I chose glee. I chose glee because it was very interesting to see because I wanted to see what the hype was a bear at one point in my life, which was in the in 2000’s 2010’s!  Add the time I was watching desperate, housewives, and now that is a show I like, but I never got to see glee because I was always having my head up my butt for some odd reason I didn’t feel it was a good enough show for my eyes, but now that I am matured, I think I might enjoy this for fact!   

My friend duck and I will be going to start our YouTube channel again that will be very interesting idea that I will be able to too with her again for the first time in three or four months because of the summer mines being so roasted that being said, it was very interesting and I couldn’t do very much creatively except for art work and maybe some nail art in the next post I’ll talk about my nail art that I did today!