I have been writing poems alnight as the fact that the inspiration was this poem
Humble dazzles of autumn
These leaves on the ground
Like a page in a book
A poem that said I lived
though I was a small part of the whole story
This is my song this is my glory
I memorized that poem for a tree dedication this morning ususally I don’t believe in there western funeral tradition it does not boad well with my PTSD but because I choose to be there maybe this will be different! I am am more of a cairn and shaman girl when. It comes to the late passage of rite! That being said I did not like having to got to the different celebration of life especially for relatives (your going to thing I am cold) that I think should stay in the morgue for all eternity ….this is different because it is a friend who passed away! I made a cairn the other year for said friend! That being said if you are wanting to know what I cairn is that being said :
“ cairn, a pile of stones that is used as a boundary marker, a memorial, or a burial site. Cairns are usually conical in shape and were often erected on high ground. Burial cairns date primarily from the Neolithic Periodand the Early Bronze Age. Cairns are still used in some parts of the world as burial places, particularly where the soil is difficult to excavate or where wild animals might disturb the body. The term cairn is sometimes used interchangeably with barrow, and its usage is not well defined. See also barrow; burial mound”
In my case I use these as burial mound for the people I actually care for, the first one was for my mother, who when into a terrorist country to get me and to rear me as her on! That being said she was the first to get a cairn out side of my home and the i started doing them for fun then I heard about the friend that past and I went to make the cairn that I made for her! That being said I don’t do cairns for relatives as they were not nice to me, I know that sounds childish but it is true! My relatives are jerks who don’t want to understand me…..I just hope karma will bite them in the ass! I never really knew my extend shit family! Except for funerals that made me hate funerals for the first time when I was six years old! I could not rap my head around this but any way I was writing poems all last night that were decent as the one that I had to remember! That is what is it is one of them
Dear PTSD
I wish you never put my brain
On the gerbil wheel
Keeping me in a rutt
For the rest of my
Life
The night mares
A pain in the butt
For I am in a rutt
I wish I could escape this rutt
The doldrums that I am
In but the only way to avoid
The doldrums of you
Is t read and write
My madness Away
Even through movies
Fiction is my escape
From the past and. Present
As I see into the future
A future with out
The obscenity
That is PTSD how I
Want to say.....
Fuck youu
I as I am trying to give my self
A life!
Something my parents
Both biological and
Adoptive
Tried too!
Dear PTSD
Would you spam me for another life time
You bastard
You bastard
As I feel
That this is spamming and
Scamming my brain
Jeeze
I just want my money back
In return for feeling the pain
I feel no physical pain
I feel dead because of you
But I feel alive too
Because of you!
A gift and. Curse
I wish nit the worst
But the best
For me!
As I want to feel everything
That other people will feel
Both positive and dower!
Let me
Write a letter to my self that will
Show that I am good
This is what i have to deal with!
That is one of the poems that I wrote last night and I it was about how my brain is in a rutt at times! Especially winter! Let’s just say that I fucking hate winter - sure it’s pretty and all but I wears on you soon enough! I cannot stand winter except for the need for money so I shovel the white shit called snow! That is who I roll as I don’t like winter! Usually I start complaining around remembrance day when it really get cool out and I cannot get the mail! That how much I hate winter….the only good things are Christmas, and my birthday! That is it! Fuck winter!
If you want to see me in a rutt winter is the time to see it! I hate winter! And it’s fucking coming
O humble dazzle
Of winter comming!
Damn!
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