Monday, September 9, 2024

September 9, 2024 (p.m.)

Sorry I was not able to write as much as I wanted to but the is good news about something I did not expect to happen!  I got back together with my ex James, that being said I went to baseball to see everyone including him.  He kissed me  when we were talking……something that could have gone south but it did not, actually  it was a glimmer of a moment, meaning something that is good and brings out good emotions!   So I had to talk to certain people about this and I was in the clear to go back to him!  I did not start the kiss, that was him who re-animated a bridge that was susposed to be burned!  Well, surprise!!!! And that is what happened!  So I was invited by his group home To go to the fair with him!  I enjoyed my self with him at the fair we did not go on any rides but I wanted to play the games …..now my bed is covered with stuffies- stuff animals that we won!  That being said be got two matching stuffies and that will be our relationship mascot!   You know that in cobra Kai Miguel and Sam have this octopus stuffy that is there mascot!  With the mutant cow is ours!

Then last Monday I saw him at the fair, that was nice!  I love him and I now know that he loves me!  As we went to the music concert it was 50’s psychabily  that we danced to I ended up meeting  his sister and his friends at day program that he would not stop talking about me to!    It was an honour to me the sister and his workers said that I am “part of the family!”  Which feel pretty damn special to me!  Though I have to work on my PTSD so I and the relationship can grow,  that I don’t mind! Also during the concert I was able to throat sing with the musicians and it was good!  I like sharing mare heritage!  I am Turkic - Altaic and I play the jaw harp and throat sing! That being said I am hoping to perform more at events!


Also one day on Facebook something was brought to my attention, burk’s falls screaming heads! I’d suggest looking them up! They are create as art as well as message that people can reverse the crappiness of the world if we choose! That being said I used to have these prophecies when I was 30 years old that being said I want to see these structures and I saw that it was a message as well as art!  I was looking up the site of the screaming heads and I went and saw the artist adress so I wrote a letter and sent him some of my fan art and this is what the letter said! 




Dear Peter,



He'll, my name is natalie , some people call me sufi mustafa.  I am and writing for friendship and to tell you that you did a good job on the screaming heads- something I plan on seeing at age forty,  my current age is 35.  I will introduce my self first.  I have been doing art most  my life without education past highschool,   I like to draw, paint and do (sometimes) digital art!  I am also an altaic throat singer and a guitarist.   I do suffer from PTSD , blessed with Asperger's and ADHD!   I am hoping to be  tattoo artist and writer!!   

I must say from artist to artist that I really admire your screaming heads though I just see the on Facebook, I did some deep diving on the art you do, and this is where it hits home us the four horsemen and your message about the apocalypse through your art and that we can avoid it. 

This is were you're going to judge me.....(and I hope you don't) when I was 30 I started having prophetic dreams of an apocalypse.    I have not had a prophetic dream since.....




If you would let me I would love to he not just a fan, but penpal, biographer and as well as a visitor! I am a writer and I have a wattpad https://www.wattpad.com/tm-tarantino-fiction.    I would be honored if you  an visit my  wattpad.    



I am also sending you my own interpretations of the screaming heads , the art that I was inspired by you creations.   I hope you like my art!





Some facts: 


Iq:196


Likes: Halloween, art, writing,  reading, crystals I also love stargazing and playing the jaw!



Music: altaic throat singing,  indie rock, rock, metal folk and folk punk, indigenous music 



Movies, horror,  creepypasta,  United 93 Studio jibly Kingdom of heaven, deadpool, borderlands and freedom writers


Tv: king of the hill, Simpsons and youtube



Books: falling, drowning, lord of the rings, hobbit,most romance and paranormal literature and Stephen King 




Heroes: my friends, my tattoo artist, Bruce Lee, my mom, Quentin Tarantino  Stephen King  Tj Newman, Peter camani 




Also, I'm hoping to use the screaming hands for a small music video and photo.Shoot as I fancy myself as a model and photographer




Like you I am.a ball of talent!   I hope we have a long term friendship as penpals and artists.  




Hope to hear from you -Natalie 






That being writen I hope to send it out tomorrow to get it to him as soon as possible as I want to get to to be his penpal!    I am really hoping when I am 40, that I get to see the screaming heads as well as their creater in person, it is in burk’s falls near a city! That being said I am going to seen them age 40 to more less flip off the Grimm reaper as the big 40  (in four years) will be the biggest accomplishment I can say that I did other then partaking in the  Watty’s, and my relationship!  I find that when I am 40 it will be a big move for me - as some people with PTSD and other mental health issues sometime don’t make it  to 40 50 at the longest depending on their lifestyle and thought processes!  I used to have dark dark dark thought in my early to mid twenties, I am lucky to be going to 36 next February!  The only thing that kept me sane was art, music, writing, and most importantly swearing like Ted the swearing teddy bear one the emotions call for it! 

Some people think swearing is bad, or are indifferent to it but I think if you don’t talk about your problems in an authentic manner you will not live to see 70!  That is why I fucking swear! Because I am alive to tell this tale!  I find that swearing like art, writing , music is an expression at its nude (purest) that being said.  Why can’t people be more liberal about profanity as it can help!  

Sometimes it’s important to swear and cuss I find that it being respectful to other people I don’t like to call people stupid names so I avoid slurs! That being said I swear on a daily basis and I hope to make it at least 80 where I can stop the potty mouth and just relax until the finally moments!   Now you are thinking that I don’t have a good life……but I do except the “out of family home childhood”, example catholic school where I was relentlessly bullied for a good chunk of my life and many times I wanted to give up but I am too mother fucking stubborn and that is a good fucking thing!  

I am still stubborn to a positive or to a fault depending on who I talk to  but I am who I am - stubborn - take it or leave it!

I have many times heard of people who were not as stubborn as I…..they either end up dead, in the psych ward or the are in prison!  That being said. Is stubborn real bad!!!???   No!

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