September 14, 2024 early A.M.

This is what I had to deal with since two days!  You will see that it started off innocently and then turned into this:

Last night was a pan my ass as I was trying to resurrect an old Apple account, I’m not gonna tell you what is but anyways I was trying to resurrect the Apple account and I ended up pulling out more hair than anything else already don’t have enough hair on one so I’d because I shaved that side of my head, but now I have two sides of my head that are equally as short because I kept ripping my hair out because I was so aggravated what happened was I could not create a new Apple account because every time they knew they would want money the next thing I know I was trying to get my old one back up and was being a pain in the ass again trying to deal with this situation at hand really I was just trying to find a way to get my old account ! Then my iPad did something really ridiculous with my help of course because it can’t do things on its own. That being said I was locked out of my iPad for 24 hours. It was a pain in my ass. I also when I went to bed last night that stroke a midnight. I found that I lost my phone and I just dissociated! I do have a lot of trauma in my life, a lot of PTSD and some dissociative that being said that associative showed up yesterday as I couldn’t remember Jack all! That being said was being stupid and I was too proud to admit then I finally realized that I needed some help and had to talk to someone there association was that bad and I wanted to break my iPad because it was disobedient. let’s put it that way. Just try to make it more funny than it already Isn’t!  So I went to bed that night and I fell asleep in a uneasy sleep then I decided I’m gonna use the misbehaving iPad to find my phone trying to get an apple account made another one just to hear the phone ring and I snatch the phone from the floor I don’t know why I didn’t look at the goddamn floor And then I fell asleep. Maybe something was going right for once it is Friday the 13th after so it does mean things are gonna go wrong and soon enough as far as my emotional state was concerned there’s gonna be a full moon if you ever want an excuse for my behaviour that being said, I was very annoyed about everything and I didn’t like the idea that I could not do anything at this time. It was starting to drive me a little bonkers and it was more than if I was threatening to break my iPad yeah that was a very charming night to be had. There were other behaviors. I will admit to, but I don’t wanna start a blog on the wrong foot! I had to deal with Then this afternoon, the iPad decided it was gonna work with my help as well just like it decided not to work with my help. It decided to work on being better as well as with my help to do so that being said it’s kind of strange that these things can actually Sense your mood I don’t know how it is, but it’s just that case it’s kind of strange to be honest with you from last night. I was angry and then the second I was at peace it Finally worked!   So ends the saga

What bothered me was not the fact that my iPad wasn’t working or that I didn’t find my phone until later on it was because I was practically being a total dork to the other people I live with it was kind of embarrassing that I wasn’t even on the same race as because I was so barbaric some of them say I wasn’t as barbaric as I supposed to be barbaric, but it was pretty awful and I wouldn’t wanna wish this kind of shit on anyone! That was part of my new Space blog that I was doing in fact, I was writing about that as disobedient iPad!  That being said, I was not exactly excited that I was being a barbarian. Let’s put it that way. I think I was more barbarian than someone who is destroyed or anything or someone who was dissociating. It was just me being an ass at the time and that was the worst part of it was the fact that I was being an asshole to other people, that being said that shouldn’t of happened I’m doing something else now to help myself mitigate that but as I said, it’s gonna be a long time before I can trust myself because I just blew my shit all over the place practically if you know what I mean I got in trouble. I got angry. It shouldn’t have happened. 

Now I know what you’re thinking that is that I now know what it is like. I used to have a funny feeling that I knew what dissociation was where are you having that break from reality and stuff gets too much usually brought on my trauma or other mental illnesses in this case with lucky old me, it was trauma, and I would like to blame a few people for my trauma, but I’d rather not even go that far, let’s just say the mastermind of a certain day and September were the same masterminds for my traumatic events in my life. That being said, I wish I was horseshitting  you on that one.    As I was tortured by people who were very on savory, you don’t wanna be tortured by anyone but that’s what happened to me as a young kid and then I was bullied in school and then a whole bunch of other crappy shit just happened to me. it wasn’t exactly an easy life, but I would do it over again if I had who hasn’t made who I am, but I don’t like PTSD and association! As I feel like sometimes my brain is playing tricks on me or is farting!

What is dissociation?

Dissociation is a mental process where a person disconnects from their thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity. Dissociative disorders include dissociative amnesia, depersonalisation disorder and dissociative identity disorder.

People who experience a traumatic event will often have some degree of dissociation during the event itself or in the following hours, days or weeks. For example, the event seems ‘unreal’ or the person feels detached from what’s going on around them as if watching the events on television. In most cases, the dissociation resolves without the need for treatment.

Some people, however, develop a dissociative disorder that requires treatment. Dissociative disorders are controversial and complex problems that need specific diagnosis, treatment and support. If you are concerned that you or a loved one may have a dissociative disorder, it is important to seek professional help.

Symptoms of dissociative disorders

Symptoms and signs of dissociative disorders depend on the type and severity, but may include:

• feeling disconnected from yourself
• problems with handling intense emotions
• sudden and unexpected shifts in mood – for example, feeling very sad for no reason
• depression or anxiety problems, or both
• feeling as though the world is distorted or not real (called ‘derealisation’)
• memory problems that aren’t linked to physical injury or medical conditions
• other cognitive (thought-related) problems such as concentration problems
• significant memory lapses such as forgetting important personal information
• feeling compelled to behave in a certain way
• identity confusion – for example, behaving in a way that the person would normally find offensive or abhorrent.

A range of dissociative disorders

There are three major dissociative disorders defined in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), published by the American Psychiatric Association, including:

• Dissociative amnesia
• Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder
• Dissociative identity disorder.

Dissociative amnesia

Dissociative amnesia is when a person can’t remember the details of a traumatic or stressful event, although they do realise they are experiencing memory loss. This is also known as psychogenic amnesia. This type of amnesia can last from a few days to one or more years. Dissociative amnesia may be linked to other disorders such as an anxiety disorder.

The four categories of dissociative amnesia include:

• Localised amnesia – for a time, the person has no memory of the traumatic event at all. For example, following an assault, a person with localised amnesia may not recall any details for a few days.
• Selective amnesia – the person has patchy or incomplete memories of the traumatic event.
• Generalised amnesia – the person has trouble remembering the details of their entire life.
• Systematised amnesia – the person may have a very particular and specific memory loss; for example, they may have no recollection of one relative.

Depersonalisation-derealisation disorder

Depersonalisation disorder is characterised by feeling detached from one’s life, thoughts and feelings. People with this type of disorder say they feel distant and emotionally unconnected to themselves, as if they are watching a character in a boring movie.

Other typical symptoms include problems with concentration and memory. The person may report feeling ‘spacey’ or out of control. Time may slow down. They may perceive their body to be a different shape or size than usual; in severe cases, they cannot recognise themselves in a mirror.

Dissociative identity disorder

Dissociative identity disorder (DID) is the most controversial of the dissociative disorders and is disputed and debated among mental health professionals. Previously called multiple personality disorder, this is the most severe kind of dissociative disorder.

The condition typically involves the coexistence of two or more personality states within the same person. While the different personality states influence the person’s behaviour, the person is usually not aware of these personality states and experiences them as memory lapses. The other states may have different body language, voice tone, outlook on life and memories. The person may switch to another personality state when under stress. A person who has dissociative identity disorder almost always has dissociative amnesia too.

Causes of dissociative disorders

Most mental health professionals believe that the underlying cause of dissociative disorders is chronic trauma in childhood. Examples of trauma included repeated physical or sexual abuse, emotional abuse or neglect. Unpredictable or frightening family environments may also cause the child to ‘disconnect’ from reality during times of stress. It seems that the severity of the dissociative disorder in adulthood is directly related to the severity of the childhood trauma.

Traumatic events that occur during adulthood may also cause dissociative disorders. Such events may include war, torture or going through a natural disaster.

Complications

Without treatment, possible complications for a person with a dissociative disorder may include:

• life difficulties such as broken relationships and job loss
• sleep problems such as insomnia
• sexual problems
• severe depression
• anxiety disorders
• eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia
• problematic drug use including alcoholism
• self-harm, including suicide.

So you see what I had a deal with I’m not trying to make any mistakes or excuses for my fucking behaviour that part was on me but what I still wish I knew what was going on in my head at the time that was so innocent and then turned into Shitting piece of crap like that I couldn’t even handle my own emotions or anything like that I was threatening to break my iPad stuff like that it was not very good. I had to wait hours and hours to get my iPad back up and running again because it was just a pain in my ass. Let’s just say I had A lot of  Notifications and they were saying that I had too many codes that were causing me to slow down the process of getting my iPad back up and running. I think that is karma telling me that I am fucked for what I whatever I have done I don’t know what I did, but if it is something I did , I would recommend that you acknowledge it before it invites you in the ass that’s what I think 

This bit me in the ass many times I didn’t know what to think about the whole situation. I was kind of mad and aggravated with you not wanting to do what I wanted to do and then I lost my phone all hell broke loose from there because I didn’t know what the fuck to think about the whole situation instead I blew my stack, whatever was going on was blowing my stack through that being said I would not suggest doing this is not a good idea to lose your shit to the point where you can’t remember why you lost your shit and why you lost your temper and stuff like that that is, what disassociation is I literally felt some kind of  Amnesia if you were to call it that like I didn’t know what the hell what where I was I just was like what the fuck am I doing and why am I not doing this properly? 

That being stated, it was not my cup of Joe to go around and start getting angrier and angrier by the day, our man, and then to the point where I was desperate to go to the hospital to get help because I was like really spiralling out of control I don’t like having to say these things on my fucking blog but instead this is what I was dealt with From some jackass in the sky, who likes to make fun of you by saying ha ha you can’t do this right now and stuff like that. It’s kind of embarrassing that I did this to the fellow human means I lived with more or less lived with that being said, I’m more embarrassed and ashamed than anything else. 

I was not exactly happy, but when I got my iPad running, I was still uneasy about my feelings and my emotions. I didn’t know what to think about the whole thing I was dipped. Let’s put it that way and I didn’t know what to think about the whole situation. Usually, when this is the case, I’m usually happier than a pig and shit and I don’t have to worry about anything like this, but since this was whatever was going on my head, not making any excuses again it was embarrassing for me to realize oh shit I could’ve been fixed if I was more patient  or stuff like that it was kind of embarrassing to be honest with you. I did not like this. 

Then there was some of my friends home that caused me a lot of grief as well just trying to get home was a paying my ass because I wanted to touch grass. It’s a nerd saying but actually it is true that you should touch grass when you are going through. Any kind of trouble or if you’ve been on your electronics too much go outside and touch grass if it’s in the winter time, find something else to do like a happy light something ground yourself. I wish I knew about this a long time ago. I know my friend from the US has mentioned touching grass many times and that is very interesting. I just thought it was just a nerdy saying saying well that person was crazy or something or was not in touch with reality but instead the idea of saying touch grass is actually very important to me because you have to literally if you’re an empath or a star so you like me  or an indigo I think that this is more important than going around with your iPad in your hand all day. You have to touch the grass I fine and yesterday afternoon before I rolled around on the grass like like a little kid and I fell a little bit better, but I still couldn’t process the fact that this could’ve been all avoid!

That being said, I was able to see a science experiment Of embarrassing for my friend who was doing a science experiment that being said I’m not in school anymore, but this person wanted to do this for fun supposed to be like a geyser, but ended up being a slower than molasses and stuff like that. I was very interesting. I kind of wanted to laugh at the whole situation, but I didn’t think God, but it was very interesting. Not the last to see this happen. It fizzle out of the bottle and stuff like that I was supposed to be for Mouse wash or toothpaste for elephants and it was obviously just like that toothpaste for elephants. It was kind of interesting to be honest with you so the day was not complete. Total shit as I thought it would be as I said I mentioned that I saw that it was very interesting. I videoed it and while watching the video on my phone  That I took the video with I ended up taking pictures or screenshots of the video and it was kind of interesting to see the situation happen and then about and then kind of still keep going when I was touching grass at the time. This is kind of interesting to be honest with you  to see this !

I am also going through the emotional to say twilight as the moon is getting fuller by the day by the time I see end of the weekend it’s supposed to be pretty full, which is gonna be very aggravating for me. I wanna have to clench my teeth lot of people say that people who are light workers shamans as well as, people who are empath are the ones are gonna be hit by the full moon and I am Exception, in that fact, as I said, I have dealt with a full moon before, and this probably may have caused my problem. I am not sure, but this is basically what it was was there as you can see the moon was full or almost close to being full and I was like son of a bitch you’ve gotta be kidding me after The hellish day I had I went through wanting to blow up the moon, but I ended up hearing from YouTube that the moon is actually disappearing or going away from the earth grasp. I feel this would be a lot better than having a deal with Moon is gonna fuck with your emotions as you are 90% water that being said the moon is gonna fuck with your emotions and matter what you do about your life that being said, I did not enjoy seeing the moon, but I enjoyed taking the picture of the damn thing, but that was about it , a very powerful presence not a good way sometimes because it can be very negative emotions and And very aggravating to deal with it makes you worse than you really should’ve been. The moon is like a diamond where you end up learning about amplified emotions and they’re not always positive emotions that are amplified that being said, I have to keep track of my temper for a while until the sides the little I don’t like to make excuses again, but I said that the moon is getting fuller is kinda getting a bully as well…… I always call the moon fully bully is what I call it because it is a full bully and it is what a bully does to makes you feel like shit and other stuff like that. I’m kind of not happy about this hole full moon or blue moon I can’t believe it and those are the ones that get me. The most are the full moon or the super moons especially the super moons will get the worst!