August 12, 2024

  I haven’t been able to work on the darn inferno book that was supposed to be similar to Dante‘s book but anyways I’ve been working on a lot of artwork lately. That being said is very interesting to do the artwork and I finish at fourth book for my Nonfiction writing contest that being said is very interesting that I’ve done four nonfiction books in this year 3 I wasn’t nt. going to  on the fourth I was going to intend on! But that being said, I’ve been very busy with my artwork for that book because it’s very interesting to see where the book was going to take me. It was about my tattoo and my tattoo journey. I can show you the description of the book if you want!  It is basically about my creativity and with my PTSD, even though my PTSD has been aggravated many times over the years to the point where I’m pretty sure I was disassociating whenever I daydream, but that being said, I don’t really think too much about that I don’t really wanna think that I’m dissociating or anything, but a lot of shit has happened in my life that has caused me to think that a lot of bullshit has happened and a lot of people in my wellness group have mentioned that I’ve gone through more crap than anything else. That being said I did not really appreciate being if I were to call, but anyways, it was just the idea that yes I have been through more stuff that was aggravating my PTSD probably to the point where I am on a dissociative spectrum I don’t know if it’s dissociative identity disorder because I’m just a bit of a daydreamer as well but I do sometimes have lapses and memory that saying someone is an Asperger anyways that is trying to being associative. I remember I mentioned talking about going on a date with someone I knew for three years, three years was finally worked up the courage to talk to this person and also to talk to the head of the house about the actual wall plans to go to tea and talk to this person. This being said I forgot an hour later and had to ask did that really happen that being said I’ve been very hard I haven’t been on here the past day because I’ve been too busy trying to ascertain the idea that I might be going on a date with someone Joe who I met along time ago Joe is someone I met who is a lot better I don’t want to speak of people of the past, but he’s a lot nicer My ex was a cheating son of a bitch. I should not be speaking of my ex, but that is basically what he did and I can’t speak ill of the truth either!

So I’ve been trying to for the past three years, trying to get the lady balls if you were to call them that or Bosoms to go and talk to the The head of the household ahead of the group to say that I would like to be able to meet this person for the first time in three years of talking to him online that being said, I think I may have associated, but it was because it was an unusual thing where I was not used to saying this last time, I said this was about my act and we all know how that turned out. I just hope this will turn out better with Joe, but as I said, I still have a lot to work on until now and the fall I do hope she is talking about the Halloween when she is talking about fall because I certainly cannot seem to forgive myself for being in the relationship that I was in before that being said I am working on it. I think forgiveness is one of the more important things in life than anything else. I find that it’s more important. It’s like food for the soul you have to do it. You have to eat forgiveness or your soul has to eat forgiveness in order to , forget in the first place, but I can never forget about that. That being said I’m very interested in seeing how this date will turn out in the fall leaves are already changing so that being says very interesting to see what may or may or may not happen in the first place I hope I get to click this guy cause I certainly didn’t click with James. He was a real jerk to begin with  about that I’ve been talking to Joe for three or four years going on four years. That being said is very interesting. It probably got to meet him one day. Also I’ve been trying to work on a few things. That’s why I’ve been doing my artwork because well this is why 

The idea that I might be going on a date is one thing, but I’ve been doing a lot of hard work because I’m trying not to dwell on my emotions or negative thoughts that I might have. Yes I do have that because of my polarized, thinking it one way or another with me sometimes one way or the highway kind of thing and I’ve been treating someone like shit. I don’t want to say that, but it is the truth that I’ve been treating someone like shit and I think it is because I haven’t been sleeping too well For the simple fact is I’m having nightmares. I know this sounds like a fucking excuse but I’ve been having PTSD nightmares that are biblical proportions. I mean they are pretty bad to tell you the truth and I don’t think I ever wanna have these again I can’t remember what some of them are, but I do know that they were enough to make me petrified in the morning and I could not  Sleep at night so they were caused my sleep deprivation that I did not enjoy having petrified with fear and not being able to get out of bed literally paralyzed with fear, petrified as if I was a mommy, and I couldn’t do very much that being said I was not happy about  Having a lot of these nightmares it realistic I don’t know they are PTSD nightmares or if they’re just something from another realm but that being said I did live in a haunted house for a week and that was pretty shitty for me so maybe that might be the dinner there that is causing my insomnia and my PTSD  Nightmares I may as well call them that because in the secular world they may as well call them that but I know damn well that they are too realistic and hyper realistic nightmares usually the PTSD nightmares have something to do What happened to a kid with evil spirits and ghosts that are haunting me or I think our haunting that being said I’ve never had this haunting before since I was in grade 8!

Let me tell you that when I was a grade I kept having this dream where I was in the X-Files and I was Scully that being said it was kind of disconcerting to have these dreams and I try to do everything from dream interpretation to the idea of a dream journal, but I could never keep a dream journal worth of shit even if I try to it is painfully hard to do so that is why I cannot do a dream journal or a dream blog because I’m afraid that it will cause more nightmares or it is a nightmare to keep the damn dream journal or dream blog that I can’t handle it anymore as usually something that I can’t even if I try to remember my dreams as much as they are vivid and hyper realistic that being said that’s all I can remember of them I can’t remember the characters, but they were pretty and they were pretty awful spirits that I don’t know if I have an attachment like something that attached to me like a debit or something, but it is something that I wish I would know more about would be the simple fact that this is not as simple as just walk out the door of the hearted house and thinking everything is gonna be hunky-dory , the haunted house sometimes the ghost or the demon or spirit will laugh onto you and will make their presents very easily by disturbing you in the daytime or they will show up in your nightmares. Usually, these nightmares are hyperrealistic and stuff like that. That being said, am I the victim of an attachment of a spirit or the but I know the word out the real ghost if they were, they were out for Justice or revenge or they died of violent death and did not leave unless it was attached to So either way or So I could not handle, this haunted house and I can’t handle these nightmares. I think last night was the first time I ever had a good night sleep because I was just fed up and so was my body. 

When I had the dream last night, it was a dream, but I think it was about Japan again I like Japan it’s a very nice looking country. I wouldn’t mind going there, but that is basically the nature of my positive dreams. This one was hyper realistic too, as I was having Veterans of Japan, I know that my passport if I have one, it is now not valid so that big can go anywhere except my fort or my car that being said I don’t really give a rats ass about flying or going on a train not being said I didn’t like the idea of  a kid to be in the hotel room or in the cruise ship Cameron, you never know so you could end up having a ghost in your room something that I wish I didn’t have to think about but depending on what is going on I don’t think they smudged those hotel room on the cruise ship state  Said, I wish they would so other peoples energy would not be there because I feel out of place when I’m on vacation and I don’t feel like I feel like I’m gonna Climb the wall and do stupid shit that being said, I don’t like that idea but that’s basically what it is. I can feel other peoples energy whether they be dead or alive. I can feel their energies and depending on the person and they could be good or bad energy as well and I just don’t wanna deal with the idea of this bad Energy where you end up having more problems and you do anything else. I think my mother may have been a sensitive as well who can tap in the spirit real as well because she never liked going on vacation he would take it out on my father not that he was always not asking for he was an asshole, but that being said, I think she may have something she did not understand !

 That being said, I’ve been doing a lot of artwork. The artwork is more Henri if you can see that they are nature scenes, but they’re not as what they seem. They see shamanic or something to that effect where we end up seeing more on the spiritual side, I find that that is very interesting for me to pick up on is the idea of the good side of nature and not the idea of devils or demons that were in the haunted house to begin with that being said I did not enjoy going to that haunted house for second although there were a few good things like for example, I ended up getting a taste of photography again something that I would have to force myself to do in the early years of being here or just in general I would have to force myself to pick up the phone and use the camera not just on my selfie but also on other things as well. It’s kind of interesting. I don’t know this is my way of exercising. The demons of my soul is by doing this artwork. I’m not one of subscribe the organized legend atheist so that being sad, I cannot stand organized or atheistic ideas for myself , I don’t know how many times I’ve had my parents or my brother stop talking silly. This is basically a bunch of bullshit and that you should not be saying this stuff. There’s no proof this stuff exist yeah well look again. No science books can be a pile of lies at times , I think because I know nature is there and where there’s smoke there’s fire and there’s gonna be ghosts and spirits and malignant entities as well. That being said, I tried to ignore the idea of malignant entities except for siren head being set did not really like to say there was a religion thing that being said there is a devil it is existent and it is , naturally occurring as the other spears or the trees or anything for that matter, you just have to be very fucking careful not to go around demons or the devil don’t even worship them because that is just asking for more shit !

I find the devil worshippers in Saint Nast are the most stupid people on the planet because they don’t know how saint nests and devil worshippers can go and ask for more trouble than life has to offer them but that is basically what the fuck they do and it kinda drives me insane tell you the truth I’d rather not courage, evil spirits. I know I am by acknowledging them, but I’d rather not acknowledge them at all, but I heard from a wise person that the worst thing you can do is ignore the evil spirits and pretend that they do not exist and stuff like that that being said, you cannot ignore this kind of stuff I find, but you don’t have to go out your way to say it the bees knees it’s not but what it is is what it is shit and what are we do with a pile of shit we flush it down the toilet we certainly don’t play with it or anything because evil stuff whether there be turds or demons or devils should not be toyed with they should be dealt with a certain situation is more healthy for everyone except for the demon or the devil or whatever is causing a brief I cannot believe people believe in the devil and worship him and say that it hasn’t caused any problems. Well, it will cause more problems saying life I think!  And that is the truth!