Sorry I was not able to write as I was fighting pink eye for the most part of my week! The ointment they gave me was almost obstructive to my writing! So that being said I just started writing a few days ago as I was finished the ointment and not having to deal with this annoying disease for any longer! My eyeballs changed from saw movies red to the way the universe intended them to be in the first place= white! That being said I haven’t been able to take very many photos and up until today! The slowly app was doing a #stampsunlocked thing on there Instagram and such and when to take a picture of my inukshuk like cairn and started talking pictures of it with me and my phone showing a stamp with the inukshuk and then this happened! I got a prize were I was able to spend 200 coins on the app!
“ Slowly lets you meet pen pals from your smartphone! Match with someone that shares your passion, write a letter and collect stamps from around the world. Speak your mind – one letter at a time!”
From the apps site slowly! I am happy that one of my proudest achievements of the month other than 10 books in the Watty’s! That being said I was also too busy with my creative stuff to doing very much as this was how I keep my self from plucking my eye out! I know but it was that bad and assigning! To be honest I hope I don’t get pink eye again! But there is all ways that chance on the being a repeated in the hopeful the distant future! We all now what pink was so I don’t have to spell it out for you! But I could do very much! Until today…..I finally got to my penpal letters on slowly and get caught on other things like the slowly photo contest! It was very interesting to get the 200 coins get my favourite stamp deck (the moon phases and modify my avatar! That being said. This what it looks now! A pretty zombie what you don’t find! Let’s just say that Halloween is not a day but a life style for me!
That being said I am kinda of zombie as I should be dead 50 times over but refuse to quit! That being said I also was a zombie bride for Halloween one year that being said it was interesting but he fake blood ruined my clothing that day but it was interesting! I have been interested in face and sfx make for the longest time! Also I found that I was planning to get my seventh tattoo in a month from tomorrow whic will be interesting! So I was busy with that when I was dealing with stuff! It’s Melvin Yang Yang something that I wanted to see was a melting yang and then I saw it and said that would look good on me then I ended up adding some cracks to it to look like it was shattered. It was kind of interesting. I’ll be very interesting and how will look when I receiving the tattoo that being said, I’m very interested in need to see what this will look like I said they already right yeah ! I’m also hoping to get a septum but actually the nostril done and be done with that for a while. It’s very interesting to see where my ancestry and my creativity will take me in many different forms and different forms and stuff like that particularly the idea of tattoos, my people Siberians central Asians were the first people one of the first people that created the tattoo, the rest of the Hawaiian Asians and native indigenous Americans that being said is very interesting that this has been brought up many times not just when I deep dive my ancestry, but also when I decided to look up tattoos, the first tattoo was the snow maiden tattoo! Which looks like a fucked up cloud deer…..no offense to my people! But it does look odd! I am hoping to get that one day for my 8th tattoo and be go with that! Unless the artists have a flash sale (I love those)! A flash sale is basically where you end up getting a random tattoo from a random selection of designs that the artist creates and you pick one that suits you and you end up with that particular one is very interesting. Indeed I did one last year. It was interesting so I decided to do it again this year!
Also I am saving for the blues fest, an annual music festival in Ottawa, where I live to see if they have good artists playing there too! I always wanted to do a concert but my brother Ryan fucked up my chance to see iron maiden which pisses me off! I know what was more infuriating- his dead or the fact that I can’t see my favourite band soo they are equally assigning for me! So I rather not talk to much about that as I angers me! Let’s say I was dealing with a lot of disappointment and betrayal for the most of my life….it was anger inducing……..I am just learning to find my balance again! I want to be able to be balanced again one day! But I never thought that have the shit in my life would happen in the first place! I was not a happy child though I had some positive memories and stuff but the emotions were shit! That being said I remember more of the emotions I felt than the good memory that cause positivity emotions like going to vacation and stuff! That is all small to me because of most of the stupid shit that went on! That being said I found that my time at my group home was a better and more beautiful fit then anything else! I am proud to say the my friends or my relatives, were my adoptive relatives are pierces of shit! That was the honest truth! My aunt is a sociopath, my brothers assholes and psychopaths as well as narcissistic! I did not like the idea of going to these “people” in the first place! So I rather night deal with them to be honest!
Actually I am happy were I am not talking to my ‘relatives’ and just being able to be my self! I am not show if I deal with real people before coming to the group home actually…..I had fake friends, fake family and the last time I talked to my ‘brother’ I was shluffed off like dry skin….which is fucking rude that will be the last time he will talk to me! I don’t have physical pain response because of the genetics and the fact that the emotional pain is worse the physical pain! Even the pink eyes was better then taking to my mother! I would rather not deal with germ nor relative from adoptive family because both irritate me! A least you can clean germs but you can not clean yourself of the memories! As my friend said about PTSD was that her brain was lying to her…it was doing the same thing for me for fucking years! The idea that one terror attack was the catalyst in my brain lying to me and causing the fucked up memories I thought were fiction but was not! Pretty scarry to be 12 and feel that kind of fear! When the source of the fear was not there to begin with! For one I thought I was developing schizophrenia at one point in my mental health journey! Also I am the or one of the voices for kids mental health as everything I experienced someone else is possible suffering from too!
The anger and the fear and the said and the pain can be worse then it’s physical counterparts!
No comments:
Post a Comment